Realmenwritelongcopy is on his holidays

Back in a week.

Inappropriate touching from your boss

Have you ever been touched ‘there’ by your boss?

What about ‘there’?

It’s a great way to break the monotony of the working week, not to mention fast-forward one’s career.

One time that an old CD of mine cupped my bum (it happens a lot – one of the perils of having such a cute butt) I was forced to talk to HR about the ‘incident’.

I don’t know what I expected at my interview but it’s safe to say I didn’t see this coming.

In the corner of the meeting room was a mannequin. They proceeded to ask me to demonstrate exactly how, where and for how long I’d been touched.

“So was it more of a ‘touch’ than a ‘grip’ David? Would that be accurate?”

“Can you just show us again exactly how far across the hand was? Did it remain there?”

That’s not normal is it? I was wondering, has this happened to anyone else?

(As a footnote, I should mention that 'the cupper' no longer works in the business. This has nothing to do with his cupping antics and more to do with him now being dead. He was a nice bloke, actually.)

A bear, a crocodile, a writer and a suit

Everyone has at some time debated who’d win in a fight between a bear and a crocodile (bear, obviously) or Spiderman and Batman (surprisingly, it’s Spiderman). But I never before considered who’d win in a fight between a writer and an art director. Or planner vs MD.

Now I have thought about it, I can’t stop thinking about it. Here’s my guide so far to who to take on in an agency and who you should cross the corridor to avoid.

Art directors.
In many respects, the heavyweights. They spend a lot of time drawing stuff, so have one extremely over-developed arm. However, they also spend a lot of time sat on their arse trying to remember how to spell words like ‘bus’. The result: they’re not quick, but if they catch you, you’ll go down like a sack of spuds.

Writers.
You may think these guys are bookish and weedy. And you’d be right. However, get muddled between ‘it’s’ and ‘its’ and they’ll fly at you in a blur of skinny windmilling arms and very long swear words.

Suits.
The complete absence of a backbone makes them fairly innocuous, yet they’re also almost impossible to finish off. They’re dirty fighters too. Show them mercy and they’ll think nothing of stabbing you in the back with a sharp tie pin.

Executive Creative Director.
Only really interested in a fight for the PR. Also, very susceptible to body blows because their guard’s always high – “Don’t touch the face, just leave the face!”

Traffic.
Very fast movers, yet strangely ineffective. Can wear you down with their sheer persistence though.

Planners.
Small fry. So busy looking for obscure insights into your fighting style they’ll miss the glaringly obvious uppercut that KOs them in one.

That’s what I’ve got so far. Anyone got any more? Or perhaps you have actual experience of a proper fight in an agency and could tell us who won?

Scamp’s 8-day old corpse stinking out the place

Yikes!
This is what happens when you go on holiday for a week and forget to ask someone to feed the dog.
It’s a shame, he was a lovely little chap. And this blog wouldn't exist without him (that's right, he's the one you should blame).
RIP Scamp.

Will you remember today forever?

The London Underground is the most joyless, loveless, godless place outside an agency. And at least agencies have at least a few decent ads in them. I was bemoaning the fact there has NEVER been a decent tube ad when I remembered this single shining beacon of good ad-ness from years ago, by the dudes at Kitcatt Nohr (it’s enough to big-up a competitor, I’m not linking to them too).


For me it’s everything that’s right about a pure copy ad. Each sentence leads onto the next so effortlessly that you’re powerless to do anything other than read to the end.

Also, it uses the medium brilliantly. I know I certainly question the point of it all as I sit on my way to work, trying to avoid eye contact with pregnant women and the elderly. It taps into that ‘What the hell am I doing spending my life trying to flog pointless crap?’ mindset and makes you take a step back and look at what’s important, which is pretty impressive for an ad.

Finally, the call to action couldn’t be any stronger if it slapped you all around the tube carriage, then stuck a phone in your hand and a gun to your head. And it’s nicely integrated into the piece rather than just tacked on the end.

It’s weird that more tube cards don’t follow this format. You get so bored on the tube, you’d happily read ads. But usually either the type’s too small or, bizarrely, they follow a billboard format. Which is daft.

So that’s one decent tube card I can think of in the history of the universe. Have I missed any?

By the way, if you’re considering helping VSO, don’t. They don’t need us. They need people who can actually do real stuff. Sorry.

The best agency website EVER

This is horribly, frighteningly good.