A bear, a crocodile, a writer and a suit

Everyone has at some time debated who’d win in a fight between a bear and a crocodile (bear, obviously) or Spiderman and Batman (surprisingly, it’s Spiderman). But I never before considered who’d win in a fight between a writer and an art director. Or planner vs MD.

Now I have thought about it, I can’t stop thinking about it. Here’s my guide so far to who to take on in an agency and who you should cross the corridor to avoid.

Art directors.
In many respects, the heavyweights. They spend a lot of time drawing stuff, so have one extremely over-developed arm. However, they also spend a lot of time sat on their arse trying to remember how to spell words like ‘bus’. The result: they’re not quick, but if they catch you, you’ll go down like a sack of spuds.

Writers.
You may think these guys are bookish and weedy. And you’d be right. However, get muddled between ‘it’s’ and ‘its’ and they’ll fly at you in a blur of skinny windmilling arms and very long swear words.

Suits.
The complete absence of a backbone makes them fairly innocuous, yet they’re also almost impossible to finish off. They’re dirty fighters too. Show them mercy and they’ll think nothing of stabbing you in the back with a sharp tie pin.

Executive Creative Director.
Only really interested in a fight for the PR. Also, very susceptible to body blows because their guard’s always high – “Don’t touch the face, just leave the face!”

Traffic.
Very fast movers, yet strangely ineffective. Can wear you down with their sheer persistence though.

Planners.
Small fry. So busy looking for obscure insights into your fighting style they’ll miss the glaringly obvious uppercut that KOs them in one.

That’s what I’ve got so far. Anyone got any more? Or perhaps you have actual experience of a proper fight in an agency and could tell us who won?