Hot new app

I discovered this brilliant app, Greetings. It sends a generic, meaningless birthday message to my Facebook friends without me even asking it to.

When I say ‘without me asking’ I don’t mean it’s automatic. I mean I never even signed up for it, just clicked on a card from a friend once.

Rather than asking me to select which friends I wish a happy birthday, it just randomly selects some and not others.

One really nice touch is that it doesn’t greet them on their actual birthday, it sends the card the day before. Nothing says you care like a curiously premature birthday message.

It's brilliant when you think about it – an app which shows affection for my loved ones so I don't have to.

Why don't more apps like this exist?

For example, where is the app that can tell my children I love them? Or the one that can tell my wife she is beautiful?

Some developers have made half-baked attempts. For instance, giving you ideas and reminders for dates. But I still have to actually go on the date. I still have to engage in meaningful conversation, look at her, etc.

Surely we should be past this kind of thing by now.

If we're so technologically advanced, why do I still have to think of or care about people?

In fact, by now I should just be able to plug into a few apps and set things in motion then basically deactivate my conscious mind.

Don’t get me wrong, my heart would still beat and I’d still ingest and excrete food. But a lot of the other, somewhat unnecessary 'relational' activities would be cancelled out. I wouldn’t have to ‘live’ so to speak.

You techy guys need to crack on with this. Do an iphone version first, okay?