I will look for you. I will find you. And I will KILL YOU.

Has anyone got my oyster card?

Well I know someone has, because it was auto-topped up at Holborn Station on Sunday at 7:14am.

Whoever you are, I sincerely hope you were on your way to an early morning church service to repent. And that you’ve since handed it in to the relevant authorities.

It’s not about the money. I want it back for sentimental reasons.

Look at it.

Part of its appeal is pure patriotism. But where that ends (which is pretty quickly) pure kitsch takes over and just keeps on going.

Every time I took it out of my pocket it made me smile.

Well I’m not smiling anymore.

Hand it in by 17:30 tomorrow and I won’t come after you. Failure to do so will result in this.



(Just so we're clear, it’ll be me, not Liam Neeson. And I’m after my Oyster card, not his daughter.)