Wednesday, November 16, 2011

You don't have to be worthless to work here, but it helps

I've just expanded my list of 'dream jobs'. 

As well as 'Copywriter that has won lots of big awards', rock star and winner of Big Brother, I now want to be Italian Prime Minister.

You can see the appeal. Along with Coach of the French football/rugby team and teacher, it’s one of those jobs that beg the question, ‘Just what do you have to do to get fired?’

Only now, as their economy is crumbling and falling into the sea have Italians stopped riding around on their Vespas, checking themselves out in the mirror while eating Gino Ginelli Tutti Frutti Ice Cream and begun to wonder “Hmmm… I wonder if this Silvio guy really is the dynamic visionary we need to lead our country?”

It's a right old mess and no mistake. And of course, as is so often the case, the real victims in all this are the comedians.

Faced with having to look beyond the gaffes of their nation’s leader for material for the first time in a decade, Italian stand-ups must be sobbing to their Mama Mias and comfort-eating their own bodyweight in homemade pasta.

Not that Berlusconi was all bad. I’m sure that when he wasn’t joking about Obama’s ‘tan’, embezzling millions or being caught calling Italy a ‘shitty country’ he did a stand-up job.

Some might find it depressing to see dishonesty and incompetence go indulged and even rewarded for so long. 

But I find it only makes me more determined. If I really focus, I too can land a job where, no matter how inept I am, they’ll never get rid of me. I’ve managed to land those jobs every time so far, so there’s no reason I can’t do it again.


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