It’s raining babies

As a child I was told all manner of tales regarding where babies come from. But now I think I've finally got to the bottom of it. Babies come from a recession.

It makes perfect sense. The lack of spare cash to spend on going out means people are left with no alternative but to have sex with their partners.

Since the recession, people here at RMWLC Towers have been falling over themselves to procreate.

In the creative department alone, we’ve had two kids in the last two weeks!

It has to be said that, taking a long term view, having children is not a great way to save money. The average cost of having a child from birth to 21st birthday is said to be £186,032. (That can’t be true by the way. If it is, my parents owe me at least £185,500.)

Simon, the art director wot sits behind me, was so sensitive about costs he actually delivered the child himself. In his bathroom.

Now I’ve said some pretty mean things about art directors in the past but that is IMPRESSIVE. Congratulations Simon and Vicks on baby Sonny.


I’ve shot him here in baby-catching action pose. Apparently the cuddly dolphin here actually bears very little resemblance to his baby. But the look of surprise on his face as his firstborn popped out is pretty much spot on.

And secondly, anyone who reads the comments section will be delighted to hear that Katie the copywriter, who posted under such pseudonyms as Workman 2 and A girl near you, had a baby girl named Lorelie on Monday. Well done Katie!

One of the pitfalls of parenthood is that you can become incredibly boring. You lose all perspective of what is and isn’t interesting for others and just ramble on endlessly about your child.

This isn’t a problem for me, as I was boring before. But the rest of you who are thinking of reproducing should watch out!